I crave someone who will

Drink coffee in the morning with me while we sit bask in the sun’s rays, discussing previous dreams over stogs
Drink tea with me as we’re laying in bed, reading our chosen literature for the eve
Drink beer with me as soon as we awake on holidays, no matter how much we dislike that holiday; every day is a holiday, therefore it’s your choice
Drink vodka with me at social gatherings when everyone and everything is too much to handle; we’ll sneak off after a few drunken hours to the nearest open-closed area to shag
Examine my feces each time I use the toiletry area to see how these beverages and actions have all affected my valve differently. What could be more romantic?